How I cope
There seems to have been quite a lot of serious stuff happening around me lately, and depression is a hot topic of discussion amongst some of my friends on Facebook. So I have been thinking again about how I cope with things when life is hard, as well as how I celebrate when things go well.
There are probably about as many personality type tests as there are actual personalities in the world, but they do give an interesting perspective on your own character and how you interact with others who are similar to or different from you. I remember discussing the Myers-Briggs with housemates once, only to realise that it indicated that one of my housemates and I look at the world from different perspectives as to make it very difficult to understand each other. Not impossible to live with, by any means, but it helped to put some frustrations and miscommunications into context! The problem with something like that, however, is that for it to be most helpful, you need to have done the same personality test within a reasonable amount of time to enable everyone to remember their types!
Another aspect of personality we talked about while I was part of that household was how people communicate and feel love, specifically with reference to the Love Languages framework. I still remember thinking at the time, with some curiosity about my own personality, that the ways I communicate and seek to feel loved when I feel basically good do not necessarily communicate love effectively when I feel down on myself to begin with. For example, words of affirmation are important to me, and yet I often have trouble believing that people are being sincere if I am not already feeling pretty content. While it is still important for me to hear words of affirmation when I am upset or sad, they don't necessarily convey the same strong positive meaning as they would at other times.
So what does help me? One of the simplest and greatest things which I find helpful is to have a cup of tea. It is both a way to celebrate and a way to reflect and recover.
A friend shared this with me a few weeks ago:
If happiness were measured by the size of a person's tea collection, I think I'd be in the running for the happiest person in the world! Even if it were measured by how much tea a person drinks, I think I could be in the running! One of my favourite quotes is, "You can't get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me." (C.S. Lewis) I completely agree! (Only I tend to prefer more cups of tea to large cups of tea, because I dislike risking a cold cup of tea.) One of the few problems I have with C. S. Lewis as an author is that his books are not long enough! At least he wrote a lot of books, which is good even if it isn't quite the same.
Which brings me to another of my coping mechanisms: books. I love stories. I love to read them, but I also enjoy the challenge of writing them. I enjoy thinking about people and places I will never see, sometimes for the very reason that I will never see them otherwise. Stepping outside of my present circumstances and into the fictional circumstances in a novel, helps more than I can explain. Perhaps most significantly in giving me space from the immediacy of my own circumstances.
Space is especially significant to me as I need time to myself to help recharge, and to process what is going on. I am an introvert, although I also like spending quality time with people, even extroverts! So spending time with someone I care about, especially if tea is involved, is another way I cope. And probably the best guarantee you can have of making me smile is to offer me a cup of tea. The odds are pretty good that I will be ready to drink a cup of tea.
Which goes a little way towards explaining why books and tea may make frequent appearances in this blog. They are things I enjoy, and they are things I enjoy sharing.
Are any of these similar to your own coping strategies? Or are you all the go outside and exercise or garden type? What helps you to cope with the hard times? What do you do to celebrate the good times?
There are probably about as many personality type tests as there are actual personalities in the world, but they do give an interesting perspective on your own character and how you interact with others who are similar to or different from you. I remember discussing the Myers-Briggs with housemates once, only to realise that it indicated that one of my housemates and I look at the world from different perspectives as to make it very difficult to understand each other. Not impossible to live with, by any means, but it helped to put some frustrations and miscommunications into context! The problem with something like that, however, is that for it to be most helpful, you need to have done the same personality test within a reasonable amount of time to enable everyone to remember their types!
Another aspect of personality we talked about while I was part of that household was how people communicate and feel love, specifically with reference to the Love Languages framework. I still remember thinking at the time, with some curiosity about my own personality, that the ways I communicate and seek to feel loved when I feel basically good do not necessarily communicate love effectively when I feel down on myself to begin with. For example, words of affirmation are important to me, and yet I often have trouble believing that people are being sincere if I am not already feeling pretty content. While it is still important for me to hear words of affirmation when I am upset or sad, they don't necessarily convey the same strong positive meaning as they would at other times.
So what does help me? One of the simplest and greatest things which I find helpful is to have a cup of tea. It is both a way to celebrate and a way to reflect and recover.
A friend shared this with me a few weeks ago:
If happiness were measured by the size of a person's tea collection, I think I'd be in the running for the happiest person in the world! Even if it were measured by how much tea a person drinks, I think I could be in the running! One of my favourite quotes is, "You can't get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me." (C.S. Lewis) I completely agree! (Only I tend to prefer more cups of tea to large cups of tea, because I dislike risking a cold cup of tea.) One of the few problems I have with C. S. Lewis as an author is that his books are not long enough! At least he wrote a lot of books, which is good even if it isn't quite the same.
Which brings me to another of my coping mechanisms: books. I love stories. I love to read them, but I also enjoy the challenge of writing them. I enjoy thinking about people and places I will never see, sometimes for the very reason that I will never see them otherwise. Stepping outside of my present circumstances and into the fictional circumstances in a novel, helps more than I can explain. Perhaps most significantly in giving me space from the immediacy of my own circumstances.
Space is especially significant to me as I need time to myself to help recharge, and to process what is going on. I am an introvert, although I also like spending quality time with people, even extroverts! So spending time with someone I care about, especially if tea is involved, is another way I cope. And probably the best guarantee you can have of making me smile is to offer me a cup of tea. The odds are pretty good that I will be ready to drink a cup of tea.
Which goes a little way towards explaining why books and tea may make frequent appearances in this blog. They are things I enjoy, and they are things I enjoy sharing.
Are any of these similar to your own coping strategies? Or are you all the go outside and exercise or garden type? What helps you to cope with the hard times? What do you do to celebrate the good times?
Lately, I cope by blogging. It allows me to let people know how I'm feeling without me actually having to see them! I'm so tired of crying in front of people, so at least if I cry while I'm blogging (a common occurrence!) no one can see! :P
ReplyDeleteI find that comforting in blogging as well! I've always found it interesting at one level to see how different people respond to tears, but it is so much simpler to just give yourself permission to cry without having anyone else there. Tears are an important part of coping for me, they are just very private as well. I have loved being able to read your blop, to know some of what you are going through, and I'm also relieved that you don't have to tell people in individual conversations all the time. Thanks.
ReplyDelete(I removed the first version of this due to a spelling error, nothing more! Couldn't work out a way to edit it otherwise!)
A hilarious and memorable moment,uncovering via Myers Briggs the personality friction in our house at the time... you failed to mention that in the same house you once astonished your housemates by not leaving the house for a week, even to check the mail, as you were enjoying a few good books to relax after a busy year. At least you kept making tea all week!
ReplyDeleteI'd forgotten about that! Was it really a whole week? You were all so good to keep bringing the mail in to save me those ten or so steps from the front door!
ReplyDeleteI remember with amusement the time I offered tea to the two gentlemen of the house, and then returned with a glass of juice for myself - they had assumed (naturally) that I would be having a cup of tea, so had agreed to have a hot drink while I was up anyway. Most definitely the most interesting household I have had the privilege to be a part of so far!