What teaching taught me
I have shared a few posts about my experiences as a teacher (here and here), and I might share a few things from my teaching practicum notes in the future, but I thought I'd share with you the outcome of those experiences.
Before I go any further, I want to admit that I found teaching really hard (as you may have gathered from some of the things I have already written). Hard enough and frustrating enough that I am no longer working as a teacher, although the experience of teaching has shaped my personality and character quite significantly. The immediate result of that first year was a keen desire to never step into a classroom teaching situation ever again (although I did end up teaching again within fourteen months), and being diagnosed with depression. Some of you may have known me at the time, and if you think back you would quite possibly be surprised (as many people often are) that I was struggling with such dark emotions and thoughts, as I did everything I could to make it appear that everything was fine when I was in public, especially before I was diagnosed. And while I may share more about that experience another time, what I want to say now is that for me, a doctor who recommended against medication and counselling, combined with the support and encouragement (and patience) of family and friends, helped me to overcome my depression. In other words, I no longer struggle with depression.
On a more positive note, I learned some very important things about myself, how I like to work, how I interact with people, and what things can frustrate me to the point of anger.
I like to think of myself as a fairly organised person, but my teaching experience taught me how important it really is to be organised. I wasn't nearly organised enough! I very quickly felt overwhelmed with the paperwork and planning involved in teaching, and spent most of my first year trying to keep a few weeks ahead of some of my classes, rather than being at least a term ahead with clear outlines for the whole year.
I like to think of myself as a patient and compassionate person, but my teaching experience soon revealed that when I am tired, I soon become impatient, and when I am impatient, I soon become stubborn and self focused. I learned the importance of mentally talking myself away from impatience back towards compassion in order to prevent myself from overreacting to minor things in the next class. It is amazing how much power self talk has! Reminding myself that I needed to let go of the built up tension and anger from one lesson before stepping into another classroom helped me to start the next lesson with a smile instead of a frown and a growl. Most of the time at least, or so I hope!
I found that I work much better as part of a team working towards the same or similar goals than on my own. I will listen to advice, although I tend to feel defensive when someone offers criticism, even 'constructive' criticism which may help me immensely in the long run! I will acknowledge and respect the experience and wisdom of others, even when I feel fairly confident in what I am doing.
I learned that deadlines in the workplace might not be as motivating as deadlines for assignments - partly because there are more of them, partly because they seem less flexible, and partly because they often involve mundane and frustrating tasks that seem unrelated to the work of teaching.
I discovered that I really do not like to ask for help (which means admitting that I don't know what I am supposed to do), and that there are some wonderful people out there who seem to know just when to ask if you need help with something! I also learned that if you are honest about needing help people are often willing to explain things again, or walk you through how to do something.
I realised that I am more likely to become frustrated by people's attitudes than by their ability (or lack of ability). Much more likely! Which makes me evaluate my own attitudes, and try to be open to new ideas or methods.
Perhaps the most surprising thing I learned, though, was that I can learn to be more comfortable speaking to a particular type of audience given enough (enforced) opportunities. I will now stand in front of a large number of children, either teenagers or younger, as long as there are few if any adults in the room. I have no major concern speaking in front of, say, 70 teenagers, but put me in front of 30 adults and I start freaking out. I may look equally composed in front of both (or so I am told), but there is a significant amount of fear and trembling, even something close to hyperventilating, when the audience are over eighteen years of age! I will even lead primary school aged children (or younger) in singing, which I will never otherwise do in public! But if the audience is mixed, say twenty children and five adults, the panic begins to set in. For some reason I feel I understand and even trust the motives of children (even teenagers) more than I do the motives of adults. I think it has something to do with not wanting to be judged by adults. But I could be wrong!
Lastly, I found that I do not cope well if I feel I have been forced into doing something I really don't want to do. I wonder if anyone does? Perhaps my last year of teaching would have been less painful and stressful if I had applied this self-understanding to my opinion of my students. I was teaching something I didn't really want to, even though it is a subject I value highly, and the majority of my teenage students seemed to loathe being made to come to those same lessons, although that partly had to do with them not valuing the subject.
I hope that these things will help me understand others better, even as they have helped me understand myself better. I hope you have learned something from reading this, either about me, or even better, about yourself! I would love to hear from you if you have!
Before I go any further, I want to admit that I found teaching really hard (as you may have gathered from some of the things I have already written). Hard enough and frustrating enough that I am no longer working as a teacher, although the experience of teaching has shaped my personality and character quite significantly. The immediate result of that first year was a keen desire to never step into a classroom teaching situation ever again (although I did end up teaching again within fourteen months), and being diagnosed with depression. Some of you may have known me at the time, and if you think back you would quite possibly be surprised (as many people often are) that I was struggling with such dark emotions and thoughts, as I did everything I could to make it appear that everything was fine when I was in public, especially before I was diagnosed. And while I may share more about that experience another time, what I want to say now is that for me, a doctor who recommended against medication and counselling, combined with the support and encouragement (and patience) of family and friends, helped me to overcome my depression. In other words, I no longer struggle with depression.
On a more positive note, I learned some very important things about myself, how I like to work, how I interact with people, and what things can frustrate me to the point of anger.
I like to think of myself as a fairly organised person, but my teaching experience taught me how important it really is to be organised. I wasn't nearly organised enough! I very quickly felt overwhelmed with the paperwork and planning involved in teaching, and spent most of my first year trying to keep a few weeks ahead of some of my classes, rather than being at least a term ahead with clear outlines for the whole year.
I like to think of myself as a patient and compassionate person, but my teaching experience soon revealed that when I am tired, I soon become impatient, and when I am impatient, I soon become stubborn and self focused. I learned the importance of mentally talking myself away from impatience back towards compassion in order to prevent myself from overreacting to minor things in the next class. It is amazing how much power self talk has! Reminding myself that I needed to let go of the built up tension and anger from one lesson before stepping into another classroom helped me to start the next lesson with a smile instead of a frown and a growl. Most of the time at least, or so I hope!
I found that I work much better as part of a team working towards the same or similar goals than on my own. I will listen to advice, although I tend to feel defensive when someone offers criticism, even 'constructive' criticism which may help me immensely in the long run! I will acknowledge and respect the experience and wisdom of others, even when I feel fairly confident in what I am doing.
I learned that deadlines in the workplace might not be as motivating as deadlines for assignments - partly because there are more of them, partly because they seem less flexible, and partly because they often involve mundane and frustrating tasks that seem unrelated to the work of teaching.
I discovered that I really do not like to ask for help (which means admitting that I don't know what I am supposed to do), and that there are some wonderful people out there who seem to know just when to ask if you need help with something! I also learned that if you are honest about needing help people are often willing to explain things again, or walk you through how to do something.
I realised that I am more likely to become frustrated by people's attitudes than by their ability (or lack of ability). Much more likely! Which makes me evaluate my own attitudes, and try to be open to new ideas or methods.
Perhaps the most surprising thing I learned, though, was that I can learn to be more comfortable speaking to a particular type of audience given enough (enforced) opportunities. I will now stand in front of a large number of children, either teenagers or younger, as long as there are few if any adults in the room. I have no major concern speaking in front of, say, 70 teenagers, but put me in front of 30 adults and I start freaking out. I may look equally composed in front of both (or so I am told), but there is a significant amount of fear and trembling, even something close to hyperventilating, when the audience are over eighteen years of age! I will even lead primary school aged children (or younger) in singing, which I will never otherwise do in public! But if the audience is mixed, say twenty children and five adults, the panic begins to set in. For some reason I feel I understand and even trust the motives of children (even teenagers) more than I do the motives of adults. I think it has something to do with not wanting to be judged by adults. But I could be wrong!
Lastly, I found that I do not cope well if I feel I have been forced into doing something I really don't want to do. I wonder if anyone does? Perhaps my last year of teaching would have been less painful and stressful if I had applied this self-understanding to my opinion of my students. I was teaching something I didn't really want to, even though it is a subject I value highly, and the majority of my teenage students seemed to loathe being made to come to those same lessons, although that partly had to do with them not valuing the subject.
I hope that these things will help me understand others better, even as they have helped me understand myself better. I hope you have learned something from reading this, either about me, or even better, about yourself! I would love to hear from you if you have!
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